Things a writer must have:
  • a blog
  • a website 
  • a twitter
  •  the ability to relate a book that took you years to write in five minutes 
  • a face you can stick on the back of a book that won't scare people
  • witty quotable repartee for the newspapers
  • a theme 
  • hidden analogy
  • hidden irony
  • a Well of buried pain and a bucket
  • a drink and/or drug and/or confectionery problem
  • the hide of an elephant with spiked armour and a spartan helmet
  • total unconditional love and support from your whanau especially the ones with money
  • a small devil sitting on your shoulder telling you with your mothers voice everything you write is shit