The writer's blog

Being Fat...one of the hardest thing ive ever had to do was go onto a medication I knew was going to make me fat.
      I've always been a cuddly lass, bouncing between burlesque baby queen and goddess-like.  
My Mother thought I was a lot fatter than I was...maybe she had a reverse bodydismorphic thingimee bob, where other people appeared bigger than they actually were, I don't know, but Ive seen photographic proof that I was not a ballerina elephant...I was fine.
  
But at 34 I was diagnosed (after going completely bonkers)  with bi-polar.

They said, there will be side effects, you may put on weight...which means...you are going to chub out like the blimpoid and there isn't a fecking thing you can do about it.  

So, being fat is not a choice for me...I eat feck all, mostly hummus and vege's right now--I just discovered rice crackers have more kilojouls than a truckload of crunchie bars--and baked chicken.  Chocolate is an issue for me (okay,  I mean molten stream of glorious desire) into which I am allowed to dip my toe once in a blue moon.

But the thing is, I don't like being fat, I don't like it because it causes physical discomfort.  My heart gets annoyed with me, and has painful little spasms as if it's saying "ayeeeeeee really?  Ive got to do all that. What, are you fecking kidding me."    I wish it would just work better and didn't wouldn't weigh me down like a concrete dress.  Now, another issue, my thyroid is about to be melted to a radioactive cinder.  


But!!!!!!!!!!!!   This has nothing to do with how I feel about how I look.   

There is beauty in the booty (damn my maori genes for not letting me have one)  There is joy and freedom in being happy with your body.  In that way, the aesthetic,  I am not unhappy with it at all.

My body Issues are your issues with my body

Some people look at me in that *oh my god you are so disgusting way*  and I want to grab them and say no noooooooooo I'm not lazy........noooooooooooo I don't sit on my arse all day eating chocolate and watching reality TV, I am a writer, I am an artist, I get out and about and meet up with amazing arty people who dress iin flowy rainbow coloured close and fling their hair about, I am a beautiful people-damn you.  


But I can't, because I will get arrested and probably be put back on the drugs that caused the fecking problem in the first place.  
So all I can do is love Lena Dunham for being so "brave" *gag* and showing off her beautiful alabaster body and perky boobies on TV, hum "its all about the bass" and be the HineAtua (Goddess) that I am.  
Also, loving the Junk in your trunk is not hating on the skinny, we all have a place in this world.
 
 

So feck the sneery vinegar tit looks. Feck em!