Me...no smile

I have actually been writing blogs over the past couple of months  but I haven't been telling anyone. I just wanted to get my thoughts down in words so my bwain didn't get all clogged up. 

Anyhoo...this week was pretty dramatic.  Scotty hurt his hand Monday night; he got kicked in the fingers by an over enthusiastic guy at Karate.  My husband said it was his own fault as he had blocked the kick wrong.  He walked into the house and said, 'babe, you are going to be really pissed off with me,' and held up a broken flipper.
So the next day we went to Keneperu Hospital to get a xray etc and 4 hours later we got an xray and found out that he hadn't broken his fingers they were bruised.  So why did I want to kill him when I found out it wasn't serious...because that is what wives do when they are forced to wait four hours because a stupid husband got kicked in the hand by one of his stupid friends.  Self inflicted man stupidness.
Well, straight after that marathon of waiting for a doctor we had to drive to Lower Hutt to go see my doctor as I had an appointment and there, in the waiting room, we got to wait some more for another doctor.

Well my doctor has been my doctor for twenty years (even though there have been a few medical fuck ups along the way)  I forgive her because I am a nut job and she has kept an eye on my sanity while not forcing me to take anti-mad meds and she is really a nice person.   
I have been bugging my doctor for a long long loooooooooong time with the fact that I am constantly exhausted, have terrible sleep patterns and I am really unhappy with my body because it is such a huge uncomfortable place to be stuck in. 
Now she - bless her heart - has always been really apathetic about me making any hard out physical changes in my life. She views any enthusiasm on my part as my "bipolar" rearing its ugly head, and she freaks out as I don't drugs for it and she really, truly would be far more comfortable if I was. 
Look I am not saying that anyone should or shouldn't take drugs for mental illness, I just prefer not to because being on them was like having a head full of cement.  Now I feel as if I have a body filled with cement and I want to do something about it.
And she said, and this is no shit Sherlock, 'Well you do have a really rich inner life.'   
I am like...WTF
I want an outter life too. 
Is that too much to ask.
Are doctors really supposed to tell you to just stay a great lump as it makes their job easier?
So, I am getting another doctor and I am going to change my goddamn mutha f*ck'n life!
I am giving up sugar and cutting back on complex carbs.  Which means no bread, no pasta, no potatoes, no pastry etc etc etc and guess what?  
I know that I can do it.  
How do I know I can do it?  Because sugar is my only addiction and I know why I am addicted to it.  Its the same reason I have anxiety, it is the same reason I am mental and it is the same reason was addicted to cigarettes and binge drinking
:)   
So it has been three days of no sugar aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand..I am good so far,  I haven't killed anyone or had a melt down.  I just have a bit of a headache right now.  Never mind, that ill probably go soon, if there are any changes I will post it up here.


me...with a smile :)

My studio...I created a studio for myself as I am an artist but I also have a hatred of mess and disorder so I didnt want to spread my stuff over the rest of the house.  Hence I have the smallest studio in the world.  Ok its my closet in which I never had any clothes as everything I wear is black, grey, red and stretchy and can be shoved in a drawer and will freak out if it is touched by an iron.  
So here it is.  




Well you know where to come for art therapy :)

So ending on a serious note...As my baby son (yes 23 is still a child in my heart) is about to go off out into the wilderness of adulting I have had and am still having many thoughts. 
We have to prepare our children for the world that is “is” and “will be” rather than what it was.  We have baby boomer ideals in a millennial world.  There are fuck all jobs out there for anyone, that's just the facts and they are going to get scarcer as we move towards automation..
What we need in the future are scientists, innovators and creatives.  People who can think out of the box that we’ve been wedged into because the box doesn’t work anymore. That time has long passed.  We have to stop the crap we are doing solely to make money and save the World from years of neglect and abuse. 
Our top priority now and in the future should be water purity.  We have allowed our natural resources to be wasted for the sake of instant gratification. 
What about our future?  The future of this country relies on the fact that we are supposed to be Clean and Green and our seas should be pristine.  Instead we are allowing councils to dump their waste where ever they want and steal our water to sell to overseas interests.  It is a state of emergency. 
We are lying to ourselves when we say it is too hard to  fix the rivers, lakes and seas because we can. 
Other countries have done it. We can too.
I know we can.

Lots of love
Olivia