Hello, is anybody out there, yoo hoo :)
have had move ups and downs than the springs in a honeymoon night mattress.  I havn't been feeling that great.  Then I had a few blackouts, like alcohol ones but without the alcohol. 
After an incident at the beginning of the year when I was hanging a shower curtain and woke up on the floor with no memory of what happened in between.  I kept zoning out more and more often, and not in a good way, I'd wake up standing in the kitchen, or lying on my bed or outside, night or day, without remembering how I got there.
Then things went from crap to shit. 
I got that bloody virus, the one that fools ya into thinking you're getting better and then WHAMMO hits you again only worse.  After that my body I didn't really recover and kinda  packed up and every single part of me hurts.  Like my joints were made of sandpaper and my blood felt thick and gluggy with chips of glass in it.   
I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't write, (well I could but it was all bollocks) I couldn't concentrate enough to read or even watch the youtubes.  I was frightened of everything especially sudden noise or flashing lights and angry for feck all reason. 
Then the OCD kicked in, in a really awful, check the door is locked 1000 times and have spiralling thoughts about death and global destruction kinda way.  Also I started forgetting stuff, you know, beyond the "you're over 50 now so get over it" forgetting.  I mean the full on ADHD forgetting. 
I flooded the kitchen three times and left elements on with pots on them and over watered the peace lilies almost to death. Which is not fun, no matter what those edgy new sitcoms say.
 So with the the OCD and the ADHD I was a dribbly horrific mess.  Now 80% of my time was spent standing in the middle of rooms staring into space trying to figure out why I was there and I kept having towering fits of fury at my nearest and dearest.  Who,(Tama and Scott) bless their holy un-darned socks, didn't really give a fuck about as they luff me lots, but others were like wtf is wrong wid her.

So months ago, 6 actually,  I went to the doctor and because of the "losing time" incidents, she referred me to a Neurologist as they thought I may have epilepsy. (Yes it took 6 months of postponed appointments to actually get to see the Neurologist who is harder to pin down than a Unicorn.  In fact lets just call him a Unicorn)
Well a Scan and thorough examination later, by the Unicorn, it is discovered that there is nothing wrong with my brain.  All bits are working well.  In fact I'm a fecking genius :)  Yes, I have a certificate and Mensa has swung open its doors :)
He diagnosed that I am clinically depressed.  (Which weirdly made me feel instantly better).  I tell yaz, knowing what is was as opposed to thinking you could spaz out or drop dead...at any minute... is way much betterer. (Writing skills haven't improved any.) 
He prescribed counselling and antidepressants which he would discuss thing with my doctor.
My Doctor, who has known me for twenty years, and also diagnosed me as clinically depressed (way before I had to visit the Unicorn), instead, prescribed sunshine, gardening, exercise and quiet calm for now, and that I could call her at any time and we will review in a few weeks or if I preferred I could choose to have counselling and antidepressants. 

I doubt if will be a shock to anyone that I chose sunshine, gardening, exercise and quiet calm, but I am lucky because I am being watched by my son and husband and I can also call my Doc anytime if things get worse (I really wanted to write worserer-love that word, what is the word for worser then worse - oh God piss off ADHD)
I discovered that being a Manic Depressive Bi-polary person doesn't actually give you a sudden insight into what things are even when they are staring you in the face and wobbling their boobies about.  I honestly had no feck'n idea I was depressed even though all the classic symptoms were obviously there and a few more new ones, just to really slather it all on.
I'm not tell anyone not to take drugs or have counselling, hells no, but I have already done that, for years and I am saying a more holistic approaches to mental illness is better for ME personally and individually because I have amazing support.  But Christ Almighty, if you aren't feeling the best (prepare yourself I am about to shout at you) 
Even if it takes you six months to see a Unicorn.  At least if you know what it is you can deal with it.

I am lucky enough to have this cutie always watching my back.

So as soon as I finish the cup of tea Scotty made me (That I wake up to every single morning, yeah I know I'm spoiled) I am off outside to pull couch grass and contemplate the meaning of the universe and other Genius shit like dat...because I'm a genius, have I mentioned that.

Love Axxx

P.S.  Yay Jacinda you go girl...JUST DO IT!!!!!