The writer's blog

I look back at this picture of my 25 year old self, and think, if I knew then what I know now, would I still have worked there.  Back then I, me, little brown girl from the Nui, believed with all my heart that I was making a difference.  I thought the the masterful way I opened the mail, filed, collected the newspapers and distributed them to the executive staff, made the tea and the myriad other things I used to do, to make the running of the Minister's office smoother, benefitted the country and would somehow change the future for the better. 
Delusional? 
I don't know.  Arrogance, I think the official word for it, or it would probably call it Narcissism these days. The arrogance of youth I guess.  And yes, I was swimming with arrogance while also battling a ridiculously subterranean lack of self esteem.
If I wrote a book about some of the stuff I heard and saw when I worked in the highest echelon of Political power in my country I would probably get in to a shit load of trouble.  So I never will.  Although I want to.  I think it would be much more 'Yes Minister' than 'Veep'.
One thing I will say is it is the system that doesn't work, not the people.  People in politics, well all the ones I've met, including local government politicians, are extremely hard working people, who hardly sleep, and run on fumes.  They spend most of their time doing things like reading massively thick wodges of committee papers, cabinet papers, their own constituent papers, piles of files and mail.
The Beehive was, is, a place teaming with very clever people who could, if they didn't have to compromise on absolutely freekin everything, do an amazing job.  And they did.  Well I think they did.  Back then when I was there.  And I am allowed to think that because I was A-political, like A-sexual but much more fun.  Hence I ended up working for two Ministers of the same Portfolio from different Pollical Parties, that couldn't have been more different humans if they'd knocked these two guys up in a laboratory.
Anyway, the reason I bring that part of my life up was because I look back and cannot believe that I could actually hold a life together, albeit a very chaotic one, back then, as I was an unmedicated Bi-polar mess which was not diagnosed for another 10 years.  I also like looking at pictures of my young self and thinking, actually, you haven't changed that much. 
It's that arrogance again?
 
So, now that I am almost forty years older, do I think " that a waste of my time", could I have been building up a career where I could have been far more successful now, at this time in my life.  And the answer is a resounding 'NO!!!!!!!!!!!!'


Probably the most successful person I know personally is my brother Johnny, and he is successful by anyone's yard stick. 
We talk every freeking day, sometimes more than once a day, by text our fallback being WhatsApp, as he is one of the rare people in the world who isn't on social media, (except for posting pictures on Instagram once in a blue moon), or on the phone. 
Anyway, he writes articles and chapters in other peoples books about being successful and I give a bit of feedback on his writing.  What we both agree with is that there is NO FREEKIN WAY either of us could have seen what we are doing now back when we were younger. 
He studied to be a teacher and I was an unqualified harum scarum jumper from one thing to another.  My career choices included "Burger flipper",  "Fishing boat inspector",  "Motorbike courier" , "Costume designer" while Johnny's have been  "Gardener", "Cleaner",  "Courier", "Teacher" and  CEO of various Companies including "Forest & Bird" and "PINZ"....
He is now on more Company and Government Boards and Committees than you can throw a boxful of Jaffas at and I am a Writer/Gardener.   
We came to the same conclusion, Life and Careers can not be mapped out, they just happen.  We wander along life's road, and every once in a while we come to a fork and just kinda eeny meeny miny mo the direction we go next, or stumble there blindly, and hope for the best.