The Selfie collection
Click pics for  fun facts about me.


I just realised from the pics I have like three outfits.


It is June 2023 WTF...

June 19, 2023




Oh my fecking God.  Time hasn't just flown, I feel like I've been in stasis (Red Dwarf reference) clicked my fingers and its six months later.  No shit sherlock, that is honestly how it seems. 
I don't even know if the last time I wrote something in here is was six months ago, it could be eighteen.  Time is a foreign concept when you are over sixty, chunks pass like icebergs.

Whanau Birthday

So last week on the 13th and 14th of June was my dads birthday, 88 and my brothers 56. (To tell the super honest truth, inside my head my brothers are fifteen years old, and my sister is twelve)
On saturday night, 17th Immediate family is now at least 20 people and that is without my sister and her kids who were all working,  It was awesome and in Lower Hutt which is another country since we moved to  Kapiti.  But, with the new roads it took us feck all time to get there and get home.  We went to 'Gr8 Tandoori'  which is, in 80's parlance, the bomb.  Food, Service, Decor, in that order were the bomb diggidy (there is nothing wrong with the 80's baby).  We has a cake with one candle on it, and let dad blow it out.  If we'd put all the candles on that would be 200, ffs.


 

Us at the restaurant, well them, my dad and my brother and some of his chillens.  

We don't all get together often, because they are all busy and feck and I live on the other side of the universe (Otaki) and I honestly cannot drive to wellington any more, my driving anxiety is un-freekin-believable. 
It is a catch 22 situation, I should drive more and then I would have less anxiety, but the thought of driving on motorways terrifies me, 
 Now I have not always been this way, I used to drive all over the motu.  I have driven through auckland ffs and used to drive  to and through wellington,  all the time.  That was then, this is now.  Now I won't even drive to Levin and that is up the road in a straight line with no turns or Paraparaumu which is the same, but in the other direction. 
I know, ridiculous. 

Crappy feelings

I am trying my best to not fall into SAD this winter.  Seasonal Affective Disorder sucks, it is such a stupid arse thing to have, feeling crappy, on top of being freezing cold.  I am so glad I got diagnosed though, at least I know what it is now.  There is nothing worse than feeling down and having no reason for it, that just makes you feel crazy. 
My life is so great, and I am so grateful for it.  But everyone's life has struggles ay. I am not alone there.
It has been a hard year.  We've had loss and sadness and fear,  but mine is nothing compared to some others.   
Ive kind of lost my way a bit.  Things that I thought were so important have fallen by the wayside.  I have been trying to figure out what I want to do and as I said, time is slipping by in massive chunks. 
There is a saying, 'the more I know, the more I realise I know nothing'. I know someone amazing said that, but I can't remember who.  It's true, I used to be sure of things, and now I am not sure of anything.
So even though I am trying not to, Ive been a bit down, which is something that I have to be okay with it.  There are no ups without downs right.  


Dreams and Schemes. 

What am I doing???  Not a lot or too much, depending on who is looking at me. 

I am in the garden for anywhere from half an hour to 3 hours, every day.  In the winter I like to feed the birds.  That gets me out of bed in the  morning. My cat loves that I feed the birds because she treats the bird feeders like a smorgasboard.  
I  love lots of colour in the garden and of course in the winter it is a bit blaaaaah as well as a boggy muddy yuk.  In winter I especially love violas, violets and cyclamen.  I have them in pots all over the garden putting some much needed pizazz around the place.  I have been writing quite a bit, and entering short story competitions, and working on manuscripts that I wrote years ago and doing arty stuff.  I'm absolutely obsessed with old jewellery lately and making things out of it like chandeliers and mirrors.  


One of my bedroom lights

FOMO

If you know me, you know that I am not a sociable person in the usual sense.  I am funny and high energy and all that good stuff in company but that isn't actually me.  That is the face in the jar by the door that I put on as I leave the safety of my house.  (Beatles reference, Eleanor Rigby) That is the person that I freak out about, was I too loud, did I talk to much, did I piss anyone off, was I obnoxious, did I laugh too loud, was I too much?????
I don't know. 
Why? 
Because I am in a state of such high anxiety I don't have a clue what I am saying until it tumbles out of my mouth.  I get away with it most of the time.  All the other times my Scotty too Hotty is there to save my arse.  
I am not alone in this AT ALL. 
 I know a lot of people who do the same thing, and get away with it, barely.  Or are tongue tied silent frightened lovies who stand in the corner and hope to feck no one talks to them. 
To be honest, I do not think it is normal to be shoved into close contact with crowds of people.  It seems weird.  While in the supermarket I look around thinking, what the feck has happened to us.  We are all frantically trying to get what we want while clambouring around a crowd of people trying to get what they want with great metal baskets thrust out in front of them.  Its like when you have to negotiate the parking lot afterward. 
 Stress that's wasit is, stress.  There are those out there that love that sort of thing.  They are probably the same people who bungee jump or  white water raft for fun.
I used to spend hours, days, weeks trying to come up with excuses not to go places, now I just say, "No thanks."

DIY

We are renovating our bathroom.  It is a long loooooooooooong process, I am going to be tiling the walls and this is a first time I've done it, so I am trepidatious.as feck.  Wish me luck.  I'll get back to you with the results.  It will make me do another blog. 

Cheers ears
Axxx




 

My writers thingy....

December 15, 2022

The girl with the cheezy grin

The worst thing about being a writer now, in the 21st century, is the fact you can’t hide. 
You can’t lock the doors of your Parisian garret and push your finished manuscripts through the gap under the door. 
You can't be an enigma. 
You can’t let your work stand apart from you and be judged by its own merits. 
Now, our work is judged by who we are and that is awful because I am a boring old twat, and my work isn't.  


My books in an actual bookshop HAZAA

I am ...

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What is real Magic?

November 24, 2022


Dinner at mums

My mother could read my mind.  I am not exaggerating.  She could literally read my thoughts.  But then, when I was older, she had to stop doing it, because I could read hers too.  She was a Matakite, and I suppose I got some of that by virtue of her being my mother, also my father’s father was Matakite too.  So, I suppose it came down both sides. 


My mum, Matakite, Shaman

Some people don’t think I loved my mother, but I did.  It was an angry bitter kind of love because she w...
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Time...the only unrenewable resource...but people still waste it doing feck all

October 1, 2022
Time....turn turn turn....



I collect broken clocks and watches, what does that say about me?

Sweeeeeeeeeeeet Inspiration

I have been trying to write a blog for fecking aaaaaaaaages but nothing, and I mean nothing, was coming to me. 
It's not as if nothing has been happening in the world since the last blog I wrote. We lost a Queen for feck sakes and we have finally come out of covid restrictions and get to bare our faces, and promptly catch a fecking cold, like I did. 

Scotty too Hotty



My darling ...

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Honesty boxes...

July 22, 2022

Cheeeeeeeeese

Around the corner from my house is a lady who sells succulents and fruit at the gate of her property.  Yesterday I stopped to buy some lemons, it was pissing down with rain, and I didn't want to put the money in the glass jar she used as an honesty box.  I went to her door and knocked, but no one answered, I thought about putting the money in the letter box, but had no idea if I should, so I put the money in the jar, stressed to feck that someone would take it. 
 About an hour lat...
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Keto, Beers, Scrabble, Interior Design and True Love

May 25, 2022

Announcement....congratulations it's a boy...
My youngest child just turned 27 years old this week.  I am not one of those mothers who puts pictures of their kids up on their blogs because....he will shoot me, so, you will just have to take my word for it, he is gorgeous.  He is also probably one of the funniest and cleverest people I know.  Hopefully, some of that is from me but, I wouldn't put money on it.  
Ah feck it, he can shoot me....imagine this baby is now 6'2" or 187cm in modern parla...

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Gratitude...

May 19, 2022
I am a lucky, lucky, lucky girl.
I am sitting on my bed, in my warm, cute little house, which has been cleaned to within an inch of its life (I have no clue what that cliche means but I likes it)  It is a very grey wet day outside and I am so grateful that I am inside, with my youtubes and sugar free chocolate . 
I have the worlds bestest husband, I know there are people out there who think they have the worlds bestest husband, but you don't, you are wrong, his name is Scotty too Hotty and he ...
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OMG Its May 2022 already WTF

May 3, 2022
Hot sweaty flushes and the inability to make a cogent decision....that is me, about 150 times a day now.  Yay menopause, you mutha fucka. 
I am sitting on my bed with a fan blasting me with chilly air trying not to pass out.

This is me ...


It has been months and months since I've blogged anything and the reasons are many...
I have been working very hard (no I haven't)
I have been totally snowed under (no I wasn't)
I am overwhelmed (Yes I am), but just by life...silly every day things that most ...

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Whatever you do...you're gonna be wrong

August 14, 2021
I recently did a poster for a classroom about concepts of tikanga maori and of course there were the usual suspects, 'Mana', 'Tino Rangatiratanga', 'Kaitiakitanga' and Manaakitanga.  I did the usual designer-y things like beautiful landscapes, overlaying transparent kowhaiwhai with the usual meanings taken from the Maori dictionary...but I thought the meanings were long winded and quite frankly lacking in description so I narrowed each down to a few words.  I sent the posters to my family and...
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Things that bother me...

July 26, 2021


There are things that are going on that are bothering me...to the point I think about it in the middle of the night and can't come up with any solutions, because there are no solutions, they just 'are' and I have to deal with it.  

I am awkward.

I am so f*cking awkward that navigating my way through the world is a goddamn undertaking of epic proportions.
I am so awkward that I can't even have a decent conversation with my cat...she looks at me with a "oh ffs" expression and slopes off.



As we all ...

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Not good at keeping a diary, my brain is a bit too random but will have a decent go at it.   

About Me


Olivia Giles Kia ora everyone, I am Olivia, I am a writer, and an artist, welcome to my hectic mad world.

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