I'm a Genius - I have a certificate and everything :)

October 19, 2017

Hello, is anybody out there, yoo hoo :)
have had move ups and downs than the springs in a honeymoon night mattress.  I havn't been feeling that great.  Then I had a few blackouts, like alcohol ones but without the alcohol. 
After an incident at the beginning of the year when I was hanging a shower curtain and woke up on the floor with no memory of what happened in between.  I kept zoning out more and more often, and not in a good way, I'd wake up standing in the kitchen, or lying on my bed or outside, night or day, without remembering how I got there.
Then things went from crap to shit. 
I got that bloody virus, the one that fools ya into thinking you're getting better and then WHAMMO hits you again only worse.  After that my body I didn't really recover and kinda  packed up and every single part of me hurts.  Like my joints were made of sandpaper and my blood felt thick and gluggy with chips of glass in it.   
I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't write, (well I could but it was all bollocks) I couldn't concentrate enough to read or even watch the youtubes.  I was frightened of everything especially sudden noise or flashing lights and angry for feck all reason. 
Then the OCD kicked in, in a really awful, check the door is locked 1000 times and have spiralling thoughts about death and global destruction kinda way.  Also I started forgetting stuff, you know, beyond the "you're over 50 now so get over it" forgetting.  I mean the full on ADHD forgetting. 
I flooded the kitchen three times and left elements on with pots on them and over watered the peace lilies almost to death. Which is not fun, no matter what those edgy new sitcoms say.
 So with the the OCD and the ADHD I was a dribbly horrific mess.  Now 80% of my time was spent standing in the middle of rooms staring into space trying to figure out why I was there and I kept having towering fits of fury at my nearest and dearest.  Who,(Tama and Scott) bless their holy un-darned socks, didn't really give a fuck about as they luff me lots, but others were like wtf is wrong wid her.

So months ago, 6 actually,  I went to the doctor and because of the "losing time" incidents, she referred me to a Neurologist as they thought I may have epilepsy. (Yes it took 6 months of postponed appointments to actually get to see the Neurologist who is harder to pin down than a Unicorn.  In fact lets just call him a Unicorn)
Well a Scan and thorough examination later, by the Unicorn, it is discovered that there is nothing wrong with my brain.  All bits are working well.  In fact I'm a fecking genius :)  Yes, I have a certificate and Mensa has swung open its doors :)
He diagnosed that I am clinically depressed.  (Which weirdly made me feel instantly better).  I tell yaz, knowing what is was as opposed to thinking you could spaz out or drop dead...at any minute... is way much betterer. (Writing skills haven't improved any.) 
He prescribed counselling and antidepressants which he would discuss thing with my doctor.
My Doctor, who has known me for twenty years, and also diagnosed me as clinically depressed (way before I had to visit the Unicorn), instead, prescribed sunshine, gardening, exercise and quiet calm for now, and that I could call her at any time and we will review in a few weeks or if I preferred I could choose to have counselling and antidepressants. 

I doubt if will be a shock to anyone that I chose sunshine, gardening, exercise and quiet calm, but I am lucky because I am being watched by my son and husband and I can also call my Doc anytime if things get worse (I really wanted to write worserer-love that word, what is the word for worser then worse - oh God piss off ADHD)
I discovered that being a Manic Depressive Bi-polary person doesn't actually give you a sudden insight into what things are even when they are staring you in the face and wobbling their boobies about.  I honestly had no feck'n idea I was depressed even though all the classic symptoms were obviously there and a few more new ones, just to really slather it all on.
I'm not tell anyone not to take drugs or have counselling, hells no, but I have already done that, for years and I am saying a more holistic approaches to mental illness is better for ME personally and individually because I have amazing support.  But Christ Almighty, if you aren't feeling the best (prepare yourself I am about to shout at you) 
Even if it takes you six months to see a Unicorn.  At least if you know what it is you can deal with it.

I am lucky enough to have this cutie always watching my back.

So as soon as I finish the cup of tea Scotty made me (That I wake up to every single morning, yeah I know I'm spoiled) I am off outside to pull couch grass and contemplate the meaning of the universe and other Genius shit like dat...because I'm a genius, have I mentioned that.

Love Axxx

P.S.  Yay Jacinda you go girl...JUST DO IT!!!!!

The Dilemma of names "Till we Kissed" - "The Eldest Girl"

September 9, 2017

On all the marketing up to and including the launch of the Book "Pikihuia 12" my story was called "Till we Kissed" - In the Book it is called  "The eldest girl" and this is why...

When I was a kid I picked up a copy of a book called "A Canterbury Tale". Now imagine my surprise when it was not the series of bawdy rambunctious stories by Chaucer but a modern story of a voyeuristic grown man, who would spy on a pubescent couple, who would sneak down to the shed in the bottom of his garden, to "c...

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Things they don't tell ya about...being a wrinkly!!!

August 25, 2017

Photo taken right now..I am so lucky,  my Father has the best skin in the world.  At 80 something he looks a little bit older than me.  So Im hoping that my face will be in STASIS until I kark it. 

I am about to turn 55 years old on October the 9th.  On the day I was born, in 1962, Uganda became independent within the Commonwealth of Nations and still had the delights of Idi Amin to look forward too.

AGE is not about what you look like, it's what happens to the rest of ya.  No one tells you tha...

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Gardening, Chocolate and Clearing crap outta your life - Hallelujah!

August 7, 2017
A bit of background may be in order.
When I was born we lived in Island Bay.  When I was about 2-3 we moved to Wainuiomata, now commonly referred to as 'The Nui'.  This amazing valley is home of fantastic Rugby, Orongorongo National Park and Wainuiomata 'Riskend' Golf Course. And, of course, my childhood.
I remember nothing about Island bay but Mum told me we had lived on Melbourne road and had to climb a long rickety stairway from the main road to get to our home.  She said she used to lie to ...
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The setting of Goals...

June 29, 2017

For me Goals are like plans, when you make em, God laughs at you.  I think its because goals and plans are made in your head, and your brain is only a third in the equation of how you are going to achieve any of them.  You have to take into account your body and spirit as well. 
Mind - Hinengaro
Body - Tinana
Spirit - Wairua

When I was young...

I made great plans about all the amazing things I would do when I was older, when the kids were grown, and I'd have plenty of money and time for myself, bu...

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Angry pants

June 4, 2017

Miss Angry Pants

A lot of people know about the five stages of grief according to Doctor 
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.  

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  

What they don't tell you is these things do not arrive like trains,  in your psyche's station, one after the other, neatly unloading their passengers and then leaving.  No, no, no,  they are a jumble of fast flying emotional cricket balls, shooting at you at random moments, and the rest of your brain (except your amygdala which ha...

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There's a place in the sun...

May 11, 2017

Me today

On Sunday April 30th my mum died, and that is the biggest shock to my life, but sorry folks, right now the pot is too stirred up and I can't write about it, I have a hard time talking about it, and the only people I do talk to about it for any length of time are my Husband, my siblings, my father and my kids.  Not ready. not ready, not ready.

Lynda, Me, Mum, Johnny, Dad, James 

 Unlike 'Norah Ephron's 'everything is copy' byline, which she reneged on totally when it came to ...

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Writing for fun

February 10, 2017

I'm doing a refresher writing course and we have to do assignments...and be critiqued...here are a couple of them...the first one had to be slightly autobiographical but with a couple of huge changes in character.

  I'm a writer damn it

 I created a person this morning.  He was tall, dark, and handsome in a worn craggy sort of way and he rode a horse without squashing the masculinity out of himself.  He is a widower or divorced, I didn’t know which yet.  
     Okay, he wasn’t flesh and blood...

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January 3, 2017
I've been saved a lot in my life.  The first time I remember was a car accident, where I ran head first into a van and was thrown through the air my father hauling me out of a wasp next that Karen Shorter and I had accidentally put a plank of wood through.  
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OMG, omg, where did the fear go????

December 19, 2016

My chins are out of fucking control
on and on they grow and grow
the thing I really hate the most
is why I need more than one of those 

I know a lot about fear.  
Fear has shot me,  held me down, tied me up, blindfolded me, slapped me around and shoved handfuls of sand into my mouth.   Fear has dug a pit, thrown me in and poured concrete over the top of me.  
Fear has looped horrendous scenarios of all the terrible things that can happen to all the people that I love and projected them directly int...
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 The Selfie collection
I have now disclosed my obsession with myself hahaha Actually these are photos I've taken over the last two years when I've felt so bloody sick I wanted to, literally, be asleep all the time.  
Instead I slapped on some lippy and took a pic of myself.  
Click pics for exciting *yawn* fun facts.

I just realised from the pics I have like three outfits.

Not good at keeping a diary, my brain is a bit too random but will have a decent go at it.   

About Me

Olivia Giles Kia ora everyone, I am Olivia, I am a writer, and an artist, welcome to my hectic mad world.