The writer's blog

I haven't felt like doing much besides being in the garden, reading and writing lately.  I know my housework is piling up around me (it's not, I'm a bit of an obsessive about tidiness) as I wile away the hours in the sultans tent I created in my car port. 
I lay back against the piles of cushions reading mills and boons, biographies of people like Diane Keaton and John Thaw and gardening books, many, many, MANY gardening books.  The gigantic ones with full colour pictures.  As much as I love the interwebs, youtubes and years of gardening world vids, there is nothing like the feel and smell of a book.  
I am very tired, and lately I've woken up feeling a bit, well, down...there is no other word for it really...just down.  Also anxious and a bit frightened.  I know it's a chemically induced physiological state but it doesn't make me feel better.  The world is a very spiky, sharp edged place right now and a bit of an ordeal. 
Hormones and such have a lot to answer for.
But I'm okay with being down, because its a real live human feeling, and without it you don't get the high of joy.  I believe what Brene Brown says 'you can't numb just the bad feelings, you will numb everything.'  I know that, I've been numb, and it's awful.  Better to feel shit every once in a while and have debilitating moments of anxiety and fear, better that than nothing.
I tweeted an actor I like yesterday telling him 'You are amazing, I love your work.'  I didnt expect a reply but I got one, he said I made his day.  I was thrilled.  Making his day made my millenia. 
I always write and tell authors, actors etc etc I love, that they are amazing and I love what they do.  I don't ever expect anything back.  I mean come on, these guys have massive lives, but I get them, probably not from them personally but some bot or something.  But I can dream, like the unbelievable bout of elation I felt when Channing Tatum added me on twitter, of course I know its not the real one, I'm not a moron but still...*Shakespearean aside like loud whisper* fake Channing Tatum added me on TWITTER!!! 
By the way, writers always reply when you send them emails telling them you love their work...probably because they're writers :)  Even JK Rowling will "like" you on twitter :) 
I am getting a new roof...my brother James, best Master builder in the Universe, and bloody hard to get ten minutes with, is on my roof in the searing summer sun working his burned arse off. 
I can't take anyone else's 'oh man I've had a shit day at work' seriously now.  That guy worked 16 hours yesterday from the moment he started scarily early in the morning till the sun went down.  I'm talking hard out work.  Not this shuffling a few board papers, writing a schedule, planning out a semester or sending a terse email bullshit!!!!   
James is looking at doing the same amount of work today. 
I came inside because I got a bit crispy fried potting up seedlings in my 5 minute burn time.  (Fuck sake, I'm pathetic.)
The best thing is that right now, we are the noisiest pricks in the neighbourhood.  With classic FM blaring and the sounds of power tools we are seriously pissing off the neighbours and I LOVE IT.  After two years of an Antichrist child next door screaming blue murder every-time a parent say's "No",  the chainsaw guy down the street who seems to want to clear is entire property of anything that's living, the fullah on the other side of us who has added two wings to his house in the time we've lived here and not to mention the panel beater guy who works out of his garage across the road.
I am LOVING being loud and anti-social. 
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To finish off I want to shout a big AWESOME to Aussie for polling yes on same sex marriage and send out love to the peoples of Zimbabwe.
Arohanui
Olivia
PS:  'Thread through the Whariki' is on the final steps before release....YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY