Yay spring has sprung!!!!!!!! *dancing around the room*
No, not really dancing. 
I'm not out of the winter doldrums fully yet and the 'depression' who I have nicknamed 'Karen', as I HATE the name 'Karen' with a vengeance.  Sorry to all the Karen's I haven't met that may not be betraying conniving slag.
Anyhoo, 'Karen' has hung around a bit longer than expected and even though it gave me a few days off a couple weeks ago so I could go out to a Marae function where I caught the flu.    So even when 'Karen' is being nice she's still a conniving bitch.

I managed to drag my ass outside (yes all of it) to sow some seeds put pot up some seedlings I am now salivating at the thought of getting some plants into my gardens.  I always have big plans for the garden.  I spend a lot of time fitting it all together in my head, which is even more fun than actually doing it, probably because that's when I rediscover that I am not as great at things as I think I am :)
Yes I know, I am still delusional about my abilities and forever hopeful.


 
succulents planted in terrariums I made from recycled
plastic drink bottles :)

The only issue I have, well its a huge issue really, a massive one, is bugs.  And guess what?  Outside is full of them.  They are everywhere, and you can't mass murder them anymore because its not environmentally friendly, so when you come across slimy, icky, scuttling things you have to be okay with it. 
And I'm not. 
I have more phobias than you can poke a spider at. The thing about Otaki is that the bugs are relentless, slugs even slide up the side of the house to get in the tiny gap in the top windows to slither into the dining room *shudder* which is just a horror movie in the making.  The other thing about Otaki is the heat, OMG the beautiful (in the beginning) relentless and stifling (at the middle and toward the end of summer) heat. 
I miss it and yet, at the same time, I am terrified of it.  
It's the horemones.  The last few years have been a time-bomb of hot flushes, anxiety, dumb-arseness and all the other wonderful gifts of 'the Menopause'.  Which is so all encompassing and horrendous it has a "The" in front of it.
Fuck it.  I am sorry but with all the other CRAP that women have to take in their lives starting with the unfair distribution of attention and labour as children, the endless objectifying when we are pubescent through to however long we can tenaciously hold on to our looks for and the invisibility of middle age, this Menopause bullshit really does take the crapola biscuit.