Time....turn turn turn....



I collect broken clocks and watches, what does that say about me?

Sweeeeeeeeeeeet Inspiration

I have been trying to write a blog for fecking aaaaaaaaages but nothing, and I mean nothing, was coming to me. 
It's not as if nothing has been happening in the world since the last blog I wrote. We lost a Queen for feck sakes and we have finally come out of covid restrictions and get to bare our faces, and promptly catch a fecking cold, like I did. 

Scotty too Hotty



My darling is the happiest he has been for years in a job he absolutely loves, earning good money and  working so hard that I feel guilty for all the lotuses I'm eating.  The fact is I do bugger all of any use to anyone but me like write, read and drink too much creamy coffee. He is now a senior in his Karate Dojo and trains hard out 3 times a week. 
The only irksome thing right now is the fact he is working away from home at the moment, and the cat, his cat, pines and waits for him every day and when he doesn't come home when she thinks he should she "the Princess" frets. 
When he is at home she won't leave him alone and would happily sit in his lap all day every day. 
I am the parent she "puts up with" and she makes sure that I know I am second best.  

Happy birthday to me!!!



A big thing that is happening for me is that I am turning 60 years old on October 9th and I am SO OKAY WITH IT that it is freaking me out a bit.
The best thing about being older is that most of the madness of my adult life has gone, because the hormones' that cause the madness, are being turned off to a dribble by the menopause.  It is the best freekin thing to happen to women EVER. 
Take my word for it ladies, it is heaven to not lose your shit over every stupid little thing. 
Another things turning 60 has done for me is make me fall in love with my body which has gotten me here all the way from 1962 - 2022.
 She has been tattered and torn, fat and skinny, fast and slow, and travelled around the world all by herself.  She has laughed, cried, screamed, cooked great meals, painted murals  and written books.   She has been loved by fabulous people and given birth to amazing children.  She has had sky high highs and subterranean lows, she has been medicated to feck and unmedicated. 
My body has been there for me, through all the times I have not loved her, even hated her, and all the times I treated her like crap and starved her to try and turn her  in to something that she was never ever going to be. 
I am so, so, so,  grateful for her. 
It may be too late but I love her now, I adore her, and I am looking after her. 

Note:  She does feel  a lot better since I stopped eating sugar.  That stuff is poison and will kill you one way or another.

Dangerous Addiction




I am having issues with my writing as in...my "scrabble" addiction has taken a very firm hold on me and I am trying to wean myself off with thoughts of tetris, but I can't do it, "scrabble" has me by the throat.  I play for at least two hours   every day.   
 I try to write at least 3 hours a day but most of my writing is staring at the page and trying to pull words out of the empty cauldron of my imagination.   
That's not quite true, I'm having a bout of 'writing a novel I no longer care about' writers block. I am over it, sick of it, the
characters are pissing me off and not giving me anything and the book is driving me goddamn CRAZY!

There is a thing called "sunk cost analysis" which is basically "I have put years into this fecking novel, and a lot of blood sweat and tears and I don't want to stop right now and say NUH can't be arsed with it now, because that will be failure "RIGHT?"
 That would be a waste of all the time and energy I am pouring into it.  "RIGHT?"
 And I am being really stubborn about it which is dumb-arsed "RIGHT?"
I am staring at a screen and changing words around rather than writing anything new and that is so stoopid "RIGHT?"
Well that's what my Scotty too hotty  said to me and he is right, damn it!  I HATE when that happens.

As I write this...

A gorgeous art vignette, me, my dad when he was an arab, my cousin Ata and my son Nathan


I am thinking hard about the next ten years, I mean if I get that long.  I think its a bit presumptuous to think of the future with any sort of certainty, because the one lesson I have learned in my life, is there is no such thing as certainty.  But I am thinking about tomorrow and what I want to do with the unrenewable resource of time that I have left.  
I don't want to achieve big things, what are big things anyway.  I just want to be kind, in everything I do, be kind and supportive and real.  

Love Axxxx