September 21, 2018 smile

I have actually been writing blogs over the past couple of months  but I haven't been telling anyone. I just wanted to get my thoughts down in words so my bwain didn't get all clogged up. 

Anyhoo...this week was pretty dramatic
.  Scotty hurt his hand Monday night; he got kicked in the fingers by an over enthusiastic guy at Karate.  My husband said it was his own fault as he had blocked the kick wrong.  He walked into the house and said, 'babe, you are going to be really pissed off with me,' and held up a broken flipper.
So the next day we went to Keneperu Hospital to get a xray etc and 4 hours later we got an xray and found out that he hadn't broken his fingers they were bruised.  So why did I want to kill him when I found out it wasn't serious...because that is what wives do when they are forced to wait four hours because a stupid husband got kicked in the hand by one of his stupid friends.  Self inflicted man stupidness.
Well, straight after that marathon of waiting for a doctor we had to drive to Lower Hutt to go see my doctor as I had an appointment and there, in the waiting room, we got to wait some more for another doctor.

Well my doctor has been my doctor for twenty years (even though there have been a few medical fuck ups along the way)  I forgive her because I am a nut job and she has kept an eye on my sanity while not forcing me to take anti-mad meds and she is really a nice person.   
I have been bugging my doctor for a long long loooooooooong time with the fact that I am constantly exhausted, have terrible sleep patterns and I am really unhappy with my body because it is such a huge uncomfortable place to be stuck in. 
Now she - bless her heart - has always been really apathetic about me making any hard out physical changes in my life. She views any enthusiasm on my part as my "bipolar" rearing its ugly head, and she freaks out as I don't drugs for it and she really, truly would be far more comfortable if I was. 
Look I am not saying that anyone should or shouldn't take drugs for mental illness, I just prefer not to because being on them was like having a head full of cement.  Now I feel as if I have a body filled with cement and I want to do something about it.
And she said, and this is no shit Sherlock, 'Well you do have a really rich inner life.'   
I am like...WTF
I want an outter life too. 
Is that too much to ask.
Are doctors really supposed to tell you to just stay a great lump as it makes their job easier?
So, I am getting another doctor and I am going to change my goddamn mutha f*ck'n life!
I am giving up sugar and cutting back on complex carbs.  Which means no bread, no pasta, no potatoes, no pastry etc etc etc and guess what?  
I know that I can do it.  
How do I know I can do it?  Because sugar is my only addiction and I know why I am addicted to it.  Its the same reason I have anxiety, it is the same reason I am mental and it is the same reason was addicted to cigarettes and binge drinking
So it has been three days of no sugar aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand..I am good so far,  I haven't killed anyone or had a melt down.  I just have a bit of a headache right now.  Never mind, that ill probably go soon, if there are any changes I will post it up here.

me...with a smile :)

My studio...I created a studio for myself as I am an artist but I also have a hatred of mess and disorder so I didnt want to spread my stuff over the rest of the house.  Hence I have the smallest studio in the world.  Ok its my closet in which I never had any clothes as everything I wear is black, grey, red and stretchy and can be shoved in a drawer and will freak out if it is touched by an iron.  
So here it is.  

Well you know where to come for art therapy :)

So ending on a serious note...As my baby son (yes 23 is still a child in my heart) is about to go off out into the wilderness of adulting I have had and am still having many thoughts. 
We have to prepare our children for the world that is “is” and “will be” rather than what it was.  We have baby boomer ideals in a millennial world.  There are fuck all jobs out there for anyone, that's just the facts and they are going to get scarcer as we move towards automation..
What we need in the future are scientists, innovators and creatives.  People who can think out of the box that we’ve been wedged into because the box doesn’t work anymore. That time has long passed.  We have to stop the crap we are doing solely to make money and save the World from years of neglect and abuse. 
Our top priority now and in the future should be water purity.  We have allowed our natural resources to be wasted for the sake of instant gratification. 
What about our future? 
The future of this country relies on the fact that we are supposed to be Clean and Green and our seas should be pristine.  Instead we are allowing councils to dump their waste where ever they want and steal our water to sell to overseas interests.  It is a state of emergency. 
We are lying to ourselves when we say it is too hard to  fix the rivers, lakes and seas because we can. 
Other countries have done it. We can too.
I know we can.

Lots of love

The wussy Gardener

September 3, 2018
Yay spring has sprung!!!!!!!! *dancing around the room*
No, not really dancing. 
I'm not out of the winter doldrums fully yet and the 'depression' who I have nicknamed 'Karen', as I HATE the name 'Karen' with a vengeance.  Sorry to all the Karen's I haven't met that may not be betraying conniving slag.
Anyhoo, 'Karen' has hung around a bit longer than expected and even though it gave me a few days off a couple weeks ago so I could go out to a Marae function where I caught the flu.    So even w...
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In a perfect world...

July 13, 2018

My beautiful son Nathan (Naffa) Henare Astwood
who turned 36 on 10 July 2018

I am a 'go out in to the world and have fun children' sort of mother while silently dying inside.  Not because I don't want them to go off and take the Universe by storm, but because I worry. 
Worry, worry, worry, worry. 
 Because I had parents who worried.  My mother almost drove my brother Johnny crazy when he was gaining his pilots licence, every time he went into the air she would be freaking out on the phone, telli...

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I see a horizon

July 1, 2018

My best mate, my love, my fulla :)

OMG. it has been two months since I've had the ability to touch this blog.   
I have been stuck in a black dog of depression and couldn't find the way out. 
I felt as if I was swathed in bubble wrap and I couldn't feel, hear, see, smell or taste anything but cold and grey.  I didn't have the energy to fall out of bed.  I didn't have the ability to concentrate. I couldn't create anything worthwhile.  I fully had to drag my arse through each day, moment by momen...

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Alone in the dark...

May 9, 2018
Now it is time to return to the joyful task of writing.  I use the term "joyful task" of writing in its widest form as there was a lot of joy, interlaced with a fair portion of angst, loads of self doubt,hysteria, laughs (alone in a dark room) and rewrites, many, many, many rewrites.   
Then of course there are loads more self doubt which can morph into self hatred and then veers right off in the other direction where I imagine myself  the greatest writer who every lived (that lasts a couple o...

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When everyone around you is AMAZING!!!!!!!!

May 6, 2018

My book launch was wickedly fantastic.  Thank you to everyone who came.
My contribution was my famous (in my own mind) onion tart, ham quiche and turkish chicken kebabs (which didn't make it to my side of the room where I was signing books), a feeble speech (as I lost my notes about ten minutes before I had to get up to the lectern) said with "rabbit in the headlights" animation (Luckily my dad laughed at my jokes.) and a reading which was squinty at best as I forgot my glasses.  Also carpel t...

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I have stuff to say ...

March 31, 2018

Today feels like the end of a very long, winding, tiring journey.  I am very tired.  Shagged out tired.  The kind of tired that people get when they just fall on the ground and groan 'Noooooooo I can't go any further.  Save yourselves...'  

Thread through the Whariki
I wrote three good books and all three will soon be out there in the Universe doing their thing,  I'm happy about that.  I hope other people will be happy when they read them, especially the last one. 
It's a fast read, with dialogu...
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March 12, 2018
My new rules for my life.

  • In every situation do the right thing and if you can't, do the kind thing.
  • If your name is going to appear on anything make sure "you" are the one to make the last decision on it.
  • Say no when you don't want to do something and be okay about changing your mind, even if it is at the last minute.
  • Remember to eat.
  • When life is scary bed is the best place to be.

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February 3, 2018

Me, last night, trying to look clever yet friendly...
it didn't work :)

Finally, finally the last book of the trilogy is done, finito, ka mutu.  'Thread through the Whāriki' 
It has been a loooooooooooooooooong process.  A lot fecking longer than I thought it was going to be. 
This book was a lesson in focus, trust and the ability to know when I am writing complete crap and make myself rewrite...rewrite...rewrite without feeling like a complete and utter failure. 
Tying up the ends of a lot of ...

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Stay'n alive stay'n alive, I, I, I, I'm stay'n aliiiiiiii - hold the note until you pass out - iiiiiive...

November 14, 2017

Hello there, I loves me some beegees :)

My cousin Trevania (lovely lass, amazing singer and beautiful inside and out) met Barry Gibb, the remaining BeeGee when he was staying at the Huka lodge.  She was his Kai Karanga at a Powhiri.  He wore a Kahu Kiwi and said he could feel his brothers with him when he walked on.

I haven't felt like doing much besides being in the garden, reading and writing lately.  I know my housework is piling up around me (it's not, I'm a bit of an obsessive about tidine...

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 The Selfie collection
I have now disclosed my obsession with myself hahaha Actually these are photos I've taken over the last two years when I've felt so bloody sick I wanted to, literally, be asleep all the time.  
Instead I slapped on some lippy and took a pic of myself.  
Click pics for exciting *yawn* fun facts.

I just realised from the pics I have like three outfits.

Not good at keeping a diary, my brain is a bit too random but will have a decent go at it.   

About Me

Olivia Giles Kia ora everyone, I am Olivia, I am a writer, and an artist, welcome to my hectic mad world.