The Selfie collection
Click pics for  fun facts about me.


I just realised from the pics I have like three outfits.


Things that bother me...

July 26, 2021


There are things that are going on that are bothering me...to the point I think about it in the middle of the night and can't come up with any solutions, because there are no solutions, they just 'are' and I have to deal with it.  

I am awkward.

I am so f*cking awkward that navigating my way through the world is a goddamn undertaking of epic proportions.
I am so awkward that I can't even have a decent conversation with my cat...she looks at me with a "oh ffs" expression and slopes off.



As we all know, I am an artist, designer, writer, blah, blah, blah and I am alone, most of the time. 
I love being alone. 
I am introverted as f*ck and I do not get energy from hanging out with other people, instead,  I get drained like a cheap arse, made in china, battery.  Even something normal, like going out to dinner with family can mentally and emotionally cripple me for weeks. 
Being in big groups of people that I don't know is my biggest horror filled experience, right up there with Jaws the movie, and Ridley walking in on the Alien queen laying eggs.


BUT...
Ironically I can go into any class room, walk out on a stage or stand at the lectern, in a lecture hall, and give a lecture, presentation or teach in a class, no problemo.  No problem at all.  I have toured teaching and lecturing here and overseas.
Why is that? 
I have no clue...none at all...but... I think it may be because when I am working, teaching, lecturing etc, I am prepared. 
 I have notes, power points and  I know every aspect of what I am doing and have planned out to the last detail, but I am also flexible enough to change what I am delivering at the drop of a hat, depending on my audience and, most importantly, I can read a room. 
So, I know  what is going to happen and it is within my control. 
How--f*cking--ever when I am out in the "real" world, surrounded by strangers, in a social free for all, with no direction, schedule or plan, I am fucked!!!! 
 I can't breathe, my heart is pounding, I can't hear anything and all I want to do is pee my pants and escape. 
Just thinking about that giving me a rash.  Just thinking about it makes me want to down a bottle of vodka.  (Yes 
I used to drink to deal with those situations...and...well...that wasn't the best solution.)

  Downsizing...
Who I am and who I think I am are apparently two very different things
 

the fairy houses that I would love to live in 



I am a bit obsessed (okay addicted) to watching people living in cars, vans, caravans and tiny houses.  I keep nagging my husband that our 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom cottage is too big and we need to scale down, way way down, to a tiny cabin in the woods. 
He laughs at me because he knows me, really knows me
 Yesterday he said to me.  "About 5 % of you wants to do that, the 5% that has forgotten how much you hate discomfort, using a toilet that does not flush and that you always need a space of your own away from me.  Also, I'm 6 foot fecking two, how am I going to fit in anything smaller than what we have now."
I could argue, well no I can't really, he is totally right. 
I don't do "the wild", I hate camping, and I hate being cold and uncomfortable and I hate being cramped. Also, dang it, no matter where I am, he's gotta be there too, aye.




Meritocracy...WTF No!!!!!!!!!!

We live in a meritocracy which is so much "US of A" bullshit. 
If you believe that the "haves" deserve what they have than you have to believe all the "have nots" deserve to be where they are and that is so so fucking wrong.  There is no shame in having feck all, believe me I know, being a creative is basically- for most of us -  signing up to be broke. 
This means that,  we have to wake up everyday, trying to believe in ourselves as worth while humans, who have something to offer the world ,while the capitalistic paradigm beats us down, telling us money is the only measure of success and you, yes you,  ARTIST are worthless, obviously because not only are you not worth anything, but you are a burden on others.
So, to create anything we have to, fight our way through that shit storm of shame first.
So, does this mean that the super rich, like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and the dozens of of Russian oligarchs, who made billions off the back of the mess left by the collapse of  Soviet Communism, must be lovely, wonderful, awesome, people since they have so much money and are by these standards, better people than me or every person out there working to try and make the world a more beautiful place.

Meritocracy is so so so wrong.  You can work your goddamn arse off and not get where you want to go because most of life is luck...yeah I said it, luck. Luck is everything, when and where you were born, what social class you were born into and what colour you are, what genes you have, what encouragement you got when you were a kid...te mea te mea te mea

Besides, to succeed or fail is subjective, I count it a win to wake up in the morning and still be breathing.  



Cancelled

I have spent a lot of my life disappointing people...starting with my parents and working my way on down the line.  Just by being myself. 
 I have put myself out there where total strangers can comment on the shit that I do.  I have written books and other things and put them out there in the world which has left me open to be criticized, which sucks...because no matter what you believe there are people who will are violently opposed to you. 
And, as we know, on the internet you will never ever win an argument. 
Well, I got stuck in the middle of the farmers protest in Kerikeri which was a nightmare.  All around me was noise and signs calling the government communists, and saying the labour party is destroying our country blah blah blah and a lot of other things that I am violently opposed to!
But the people holding up the signs (and the traffic) and making all the noise are people too. 
Farmers have been the backbone of this Country's economy since we had an economy but farming, well, its destroying the earth. 
Yeah I said it and I have farmers in my family and they have to pay their bills to. 
But the reality of this world is it is being devastated by people going about their daily business trying to survive, and we have to do something about it...NOW.

I want to help, truly I do, but I like meat and I don't want to have to go out there with my bow and arrow and catch something to eat it.   
So, I am a hypocrite and I totally know it.  

The truth is a complex thing and I don't know what to do....do you?
 


 

Some money and a room of one's own...

June 30, 2021



I believe that everyone should have a "room" of their own, I know sometimes that isn't possible, but, when I say a room, it doesn't have to be an actual room, but a space in the universe to call their own.  It can be large, small, physical, spiritual or mental.  

A home in a suitcase

 My mother travelled the world for years working as a Shaman/ Matakite.  She taught  people to reconnect with the earth and themselves using the wisdoms that came to her through channel.  She helped thousands of pe...
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WTF....Writers that fuck-around

June 27, 2021



Shit happens

Okay, lately its been drama, drama, drama, all around me.  Other peoples drama, not mine.   (I can't share that with you it belongs to others damn it , I loves a good gossip) 
I don't get to have drama, I'm to busy in my garret (bedroom) knocking out my next masterpiece (playing scrabble on the computer).
By the time I am aware I am having a drama it has already passed me by and I'm like wait a minute, I'm sure something just happened...what happened??  shoot, missed it again. 

May...
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Little Brown Princesses

June 8, 2021

Accident

When I was a little kid I was in a very bad car accident.  I was hit by a van outside my Aunty and Uncles house. 
I was at the front window waiting for my parents to come back from wherever they had been and pick me up.  When I saw their car arrive, and park across the road, I ran out of the house to it, straight into the path of an oncoming van. 
The driver had no chance, and I was hit head on and thrown a fair distance to land in a bloody heap on the road.
I remember two things from t...
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And another thing..

June 4, 2021



Where the magic happens

Rejection is painful. And as an artist I leave myself open for rejection every single time I do anything.  There is no way around it.  I have learned that when it happens  you have to feel it, all of it, every gutting shitty moment of it,  because it will pass.  Everything passes.

Rejection

I just got a rejection letter from 'Pikihuia Short Story Competition" telling me that none of the stories I entered made it through as finalists.   
It was a very nice letter, but the t...
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If one person reads this I am so happy :)

May 27, 2021
My achy breaky heart

I’ve been getting heart pains lately, and I don’t know what they are.  I’ve had the ‘tests’, and been told I’m old, and I should expect this, because things are falling apart.  I’ve also been told that they are probably anxiety.
Whether they are all of the above or not, it doesn’t matter, I have things I need to get off my chest, and now is as good a time as ever.

A house a haven a home

I love my house.  It is the first real home that is mine.  My brother John...

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A head full of La la la

May 13, 2021

I have written stories, short, long, middling all my life.  I have written a ton of short stories over the past 10 years, mostly because of the Huia short story competition which is now called Pikihuia.  I've been a finalist three times, yay, with 4 stories yay yay.  
When I say I have written "tons” I have started "tons" and finished about 30% of them.  I have to be honest here, I am a bit of a digital hoarder and I hardly ever okay I never delete word docs so, consequently I have a bajill...


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Hey there....

April 25, 2021
I watch a lot of YouTube blogs and many many of them start with the blogger apologising for not posting for long periods of time as if people are waiting for them with bated breath.  I know that no one is waiting for me to blog and that is just fine. I talk to myself a lot anyway so this won't be any different.

Te Papa Tupu

For the past six months I have been locked in a dark room hunched over my laptop rewriting and polishing the crap (hopefully) out of my manuscript with notes from my Mentor,...
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The bird that sounds like a car alarm

November 25, 2020
Is there such a thing as car alarm bird, and what does it look like so I can get a gun and....no, that's a bit mean, that stupid feathered article has no clue it wakes me up every morning and keeps me from going to sleep at night until it stops tooting its stupid head off.  Then I saw it, a Tui.  Dang it.


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No Hugs

November 23, 2020
The ‘Covid’ did a very weird thing to my writing process.  When things of such historical significance should be written about, especially at the “grass roots” (code for poor people) level, I couldn’t write about it at all.  

The Lockdown

My life was whittled down to the barest version of itself.  It was just me and the husband, “Scotty too Hotty”, together, alone as our kids are grown and gone.  The rest of the fam were zoomed in every week for designated making sure everyone was...

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Not good at keeping a diary, my brain is a bit too random but will have a decent go at it.   

About Me


Olivia Giles Kia ora everyone, I am Olivia, I am a writer, and an artist, welcome to my hectic mad world.

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